top ten super-hero movies ya gotta see before you die! part 1

Posted on by The Beard

TOP TEN SUPER-HERO MOVIES YA GOTTA SEE BEFORE YOU DIE. 

And not one of them is Marvel or DC.

Part One

Original Cinema Quad Poster; Movie Poster; Film Poster
  1. MYSTERY MEN (1999)

PRODUCED: Lawrence Gordon, Lloyd Levin, Mike Richardson.

DIRECTED: Kinka Usher.

STARS: Ben Stiller, Geoffrey Rush, William Macy, Janeane Garofalo, Paul Reubens, Hank Azaria, Kel Mitchell, Wes Studi.

INFO: Captain Amazing is the premier hero of Champion City. When he is captured by the arch-villain Casanova Frankenstein seven wannabe super-heroes decide this is the chance to show their stuff. The problem is their stuff is bowling, shoveling, throwing silverware, and flatulence. Not exactly what is needed to save the day but they are going to try anyway.

COMMENT: For every top forty there is a bottom sixty. We always know who are number one but now we get to see who is at the bottom. Along the way we get to laugh our butts off as the most amazing cast takes us on a joy ride in the best of super-hero spoofs. 

  • SKY HIGH (2005)

PRODUCED: Andrew Gunn.

DIRECTED: Mike Mitchell. 

STARS: Michael Angarano, Danielle Panabaker, Kurt Russell, Kelly Preston, Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

INFO: Sky High is a school for super-heroes where the sons and daughters of established heroes learn how to be heroes themselves. Will Stronghold is the son of the two premier heroes in the world – The Commander and Jetstream. The problem is he doesn’t seem to have inherited their powers and winds up in a class for wannabe sidekicks. It doesn’t get any better when he finds out his girlfriend Gwen is a villain out for revenge. 

COMMENT: Okay, this is a family movie. Yes, it is a spoof. Yes, it is light-hearted. Yes, it is family friendly. So what! You laugh when you’re supposed to laugh – and you don’t laugh when you’re not supposed to (which is something too many spoofs can’t get right). The cast is nice to look at and we get to see Lynda Carter. You lose yourself for two hours and you walk away feeling good. What more is there? 

  • KICK-ASS (2010)

PRODUCED: Matthew Vaughn, Brad Pitt, Tarquin Pack, Kris Thykier, David Reid, Adam Bohling. 

DIRECTED: Matthew Vaughn. 

STARS: Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Mark Strong, Chloe Grace Moretz, Evan Peters. 

INFO: Dave Lizewski loves comic books and loves super-heroes. Despite the fact that he has no super-powers and a complete lack of training he puts on a costume and calling himself “Kick-Ass” he goes out and fights crime. He soon teams up with Big Daddy and his daughter Hit Girl, and a hero calling himself Red Mist. Have we got the makings of a super-team here? Or will a mobster but an end to their dreams?  

COMMENT: Okay, if you’re expecting a joyful romp in a super-hero spoof are you in for a surprise. This film revels in profanity, revels in bloody violence, and revels in Hit Girl – who quite frankly steals the movie and she alone is worth the price of admission. Here is a bit of trivia for you. Both Aaron Johnson and Evan Peters went on to play the same character in different movies. They both have played Quicksilver (Pietro Maximoff), Johnson for the Avengers and Peters for the X-Men. 

  • UNBREAKABLE (2000)

PRODUCED: M. Night Shyamalan, Barry Mendel, Sam Mercer. 

DIRECTED: M. Night Shyamalan.

STARS: Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Wright Penn, Charlayne Woodard.

INFO: David Dunn is the only survivor of a massive train wreck. Soon after he meets Elijah Price – crippled, quirky, and mysterious. Elijah explains why he escaped the crash without a scratch. But that explanation leads David down a path that is more dangerous, more mysterious, and more bizarre than anything he could have imagined. 

COMMENT: Remarkable in its quiet power. I was halfway thru the film before I realized I was watching a super-hero origin story. Instead of vomiting wholesale action, with a cast of hundreds screaming more and more, we get a story that makes sense and suspense that will set you on edge. Wow!

  • DARKMAN (1990)

PRODUCED: Rob Tapert.

DIRECTED: Sam Raimi.

STARS: Liam Neeson, Frances McDormand, Colin Freis, Larry Drake.

INFO: Doctor Peyton Wilder is victimized by criminals and left scarred – physically and psychologically. Seeking vengeance against the mobster who hurt him he returns to his work and develops the perfect weapon to use in his fight. Now known as Darkman he begins a reign of terror against his enemies.

COMMENT: Take one part horror, one part pulp hero, and one-part dark humor, shake well, and pour it out onto a brandy snifter and you have DARKMAN. It’s gritty, it’s gruesome, it’s violent, and it is wonderful!

Well gang that is it for this time. We covered #6 – #10 and next time we will take on #5 – #1. Can’t wait to see which movie is number one? Bet you can’t guess. Thanks for joining me my friends and I eagerly anticipate our getting together again. Until then, may the bird of happiness poop on your head. 

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Published by The Beard

I’m Eliseo Figueroa Jr. and you’re not. I was born in Saint Francis hospital across the street from Saint Mary’s Park in the Bronx. I was born there because that was where my mother was and I wanted to be near her. My parents came from Puerto Rico and moved to New York City when they were kids. My dad spoke fluent English – with an accent – but he’d had a stint in the army and had mastered the language. However, he needed a little work on reading and so everyday on the way to work he would buy a comic book and read it on the subway. In those days they were ten cents, a quick read, you could fold them and put them in your pocket, and when you finished you threw them away. Back home my mom would tell my dad to read me a story to put me to sleep. My dad had no desire whatsoever to read me any of my baby books so he read me one of his comic books instead. While other kids dreamed of Mother Goose, the Old Lady who lived in a shoe, or Little Red Riding Hood, I dreamt of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. And this went on for years. When I got older I asked him to give me the comic books. At that point he stopped throwing them out and I had a comic book collection even though I still didn’t know how to read. During the day I would make my mom read me my comics over and over again. I was dying to learn how to read and had been told that you learn to read in first grade. I remember being so excited the first day of school for the first grade. I couldn’t contain myself. I thought it was like magic – poof! – I was going to come back home and be able to read all of my comics. My mom had to sit me down and explain that it was a process. That over time I would learn how to read and by the time I finished the first grade I would be reading. I must say I was disappointed but more determined than ever to master this thing called reading. Over the years my comic collection grew (my dad had to keep building bigger and better shelves) and so did my interests. I mastered reading and went on to read books. I discovered the library where they actually let you borrow books – what a concept! And my interests in literary science fiction and fantasy expanded to include television and movies. Yes, I was and still am a full-blown geek! By the way, I’m the beard in our little duet. I have a goatee and no moustache. In all that time while growing up my dad never once complained. How could he? This was all his fault and he knew it. One time we were in a store where I was purchasing some comics and it all came to twenty bucks. As my dad was paying the man the owner commented on how much I was spending on comic books. My dad’s reply was, “Well, at least he’s not on drugs!” Science fiction, fantasy, horror, secret agents, giant monsters, and more are my drug of choice. Anyone who has ever sat in a darkened theater and has had their heart start racing in excitement as the music to STAR WARS begins to play knows exactly what I mean.